we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
