Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
