btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
