giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
