Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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