it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
