I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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