I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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