I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
