I wanna passion pit in your ass
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
