what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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