I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
