So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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