Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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