508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
