90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
