If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
