Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Princesses don't give blow jobs
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
