You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
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How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
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who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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