if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
