I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
