Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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