I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
