I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
