When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
