I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
