I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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