after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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