My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
