Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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