Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
