I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
