Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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