The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
the liver wants what the liver wants
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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