if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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