a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
