Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
