mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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