Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
