there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
