I cockslap morals
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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