doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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