i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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