just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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