there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
no you cant smoke seaweed
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
