I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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