I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
