how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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