I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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