You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
