I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
