i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
