you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
