i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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