Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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