Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
