areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
