I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Drunk is a universal language darling
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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