Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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