I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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