I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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