I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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