I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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