i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
