I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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