You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
