Don't you send me to vm
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
