He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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