Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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