so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
