wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
