I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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