So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
