i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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