there's paper in my vomit.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
there is glitter all over my balls
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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