Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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