Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
