whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
