Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
