your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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