she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
