Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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