he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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