he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
