Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
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we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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