ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
