There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
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I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
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Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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