Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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